The night shift

Hello all,
All of a sudden I am blogging, so much to share. Hopefully I can get into all the wonderful and happy events of these past few weeks and months. I do not take anything for granted anymore. I have slowed down to smell the roses. Ah! Roses, if I could only find some way of having rose bushes in my garden. The few previous times I have tried the bugs got the better of the bushes. My wife's most favourite flower!

It will be six months September 7 since Nasim said goodbye. I am finding it harder and harder to fall asleep as days roll on. There is just so much going on. In my mind which is working overtime. Where's the on-off switch? I guess there is no such thing. Let me just tell you about one positive distraction that I have stumbled over. Distraction from the pain.

Over three or four years ago I imagined that I was working with cement, yes cement. Making garden statuaries. I have always admired, since a long time ago, garden ornaments like the figure of Buddha, the lantern or even just a simple form of a frog. At the time I had no garden but thats a whole another blog hopefully soon. These simple garden ornaments have a soothing effect on some people. I am one of them. What a wonderful thing it would be to have a little garden. With a pond and a waterfall, maybe. With squirrels and frogs and turtles and a lantern and of course a Buddha all made of cement even.

The other day I saw an advertisement on the internet. Someone was selling all the equipment and materials you would need to make cement garden ornaments! Just what I had thought about few years ago. I decided to wait a couple days. There was some energy though that kept telling me to look that advertisement up again. Two days later it was still there. By that time I had probably checked it out on the internet a half dozen times. The way I look at these things is that I must have wanted it badly enough to have invested enough thought on it over the years so the Universe was now making it happen.

I finally decided to make the call. Things started rolling. Pieces began to fall in place. I was going to go for it! That was couple weeks ago. Now I have in my garage at home just over a hundred pieces of cement garden ornaments from frogs, eagles, squirrels and bears to gnomes and mermaids. And more. That is just the first part of the whole deal. Drove over 500 kilometres one way in a single day to fetch them. Heavy like you cannot believe. I go back again very soon, another 400 kilometres one way to pick up more stuff. Molds and cement mixer and vibrating table. And more ornaments!

I do not know where things will go from then. Will I be working with cement soon? It remains to be seen.

I hope that this distraction in my life at this time will bring me some peace and joy. That I will be able to spread that happiness to my family and beyond. Relationships have been a real struggle for me since I am alone. I do not know how I will feel tomorrow or the next day. It seemed for a while that I was having more good days in a week than bad. For the last five or six weeks I have experienced the worst pain and grief. I know this is a process but it is so unpredictable

My son was with me last night as he drove me home from a wonderful get-together at my daughter's place. Calmly he told me. "Dad I will get you a dog very soon. So be ready". He must have sensed my loneliness. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family.

Think I will try falling asleep now. It's almost five in the morning!

Good bye for now.