Hello all,
All of a sudden I am blogging, so much to share. Hopefully I can get into all the wonderful and happy events of these past few weeks and months. I do not take anything for granted anymore. I have slowed down to smell the roses. Ah! Roses, if I could only find some way of having rose bushes in my garden. The few previous times I have tried the bugs got the better of the bushes. My wife's most favourite flower!
It will be six months September 7 since Nasim said goodbye. I am finding it harder and harder to fall asleep as days roll on. There is just so much going on. In my mind which is working overtime. Where's the on-off switch? I guess there is no such thing. Let me just tell you about one positive distraction that I have stumbled over. Distraction from the pain.
Over three or four years ago I imagined that I was working with cement, yes cement. Making garden statuaries. I have always admired, since a long time ago, garden ornaments like the figure of Buddha, the lantern or even just a simple form of a frog. At the time I had no garden but thats a whole another blog hopefully soon. These simple garden ornaments have a soothing effect on some people. I am one of them. What a wonderful thing it would be to have a little garden. With a pond and a waterfall, maybe. With squirrels and frogs and turtles and a lantern and of course a Buddha all made of cement even.
The other day I saw an advertisement on the internet. Someone was selling all the equipment and materials you would need to make cement garden ornaments! Just what I had thought about few years ago. I decided to wait a couple days. There was some energy though that kept telling me to look that advertisement up again. Two days later it was still there. By that time I had probably checked it out on the internet a half dozen times. The way I look at these things is that I must have wanted it badly enough to have invested enough thought on it over the years so the Universe was now making it happen.
I finally decided to make the call. Things started rolling. Pieces began to fall in place. I was going to go for it! That was couple weeks ago. Now I have in my garage at home just over a hundred pieces of cement garden ornaments from frogs, eagles, squirrels and bears to gnomes and mermaids. And more. That is just the first part of the whole deal. Drove over 500 kilometres one way in a single day to fetch them. Heavy like you cannot believe. I go back again very soon, another 400 kilometres one way to pick up more stuff. Molds and cement mixer and vibrating table. And more ornaments!
I do not know where things will go from then. Will I be working with cement soon? It remains to be seen.
I hope that this distraction in my life at this time will bring me some peace and joy. That I will be able to spread that happiness to my family and beyond. Relationships have been a real struggle for me since I am alone. I do not know how I will feel tomorrow or the next day. It seemed for a while that I was having more good days in a week than bad. For the last five or six weeks I have experienced the worst pain and grief. I know this is a process but it is so unpredictable
My son was with me last night as he drove me home from a wonderful get-together at my daughter's place. Calmly he told me. "Dad I will get you a dog very soon. So be ready". He must have sensed my loneliness. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family.
Think I will try falling asleep now. It's almost five in the morning!
Good bye for now.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
What a difference a thought makes
hello,
This is my first blog and I am trying, through different channels, to find some way of 'getting back on track'. As you read on you will understand why. I hope that I will not dissappoint. So here goes.............
The other day I received an invite to my daughter's friend's wedding. Of course she got the invite too. The card a simple form with very simple words. Rebecca marrying Steve, time, date and place. Sounds simple. The moment I received this card in the mail my world began to change some. Now one might say nothing remains the same so what is the big deal about change. For a start, the card was enclosed in like a hand-made cover in a vibrant chilli red. Very personal and oh so very touching to the heart. I receive about two or three invitation cards in a year from birthdays to weddings. Which is not a lot. I guess I need to work on being more popular! I felt really good, though, that Rebecca had thought about me.
I have known Rebecca for many years. She is my daugther, Taslim's best friend, class-mate and neighbour since way back in 2002/2003. Or maybe it was 2001/2002. It was a while ago. They had rented suites in homes next to each other. I first met her, and Steve, when she graduated with my daughter at the Georgian College in Orillia which is quite a ways north of Toronto, Canada. The moment I saw her I knew that this person is a keeper. Always smiling with a vibrant personality. I saw her and Steve next when they travelled from Ontario to be with my daughter for her wedding in July 2003. A most welcome guest, and that infectious smile, a much admired feature during all the pre and post wedding gatherings.
Then it was time for her to head home to Ontario and more school. Couple of weeks after her wedding Taslim and her newly-acquired hubby, Nadir, moved to Niagara Falls, Ontario for her two years at the State University of New York in Buffalo, NY. So they were close in a geographical sense. And they were very close as friends.
Taslim was probably more excited than I was to receive this invitation for the wedding of her true best friend. Then she had just found out that she is expecting her second child. Pregnancy and travel is not a good match, sometimes, I am told. In this case I knew that she would not travel. It was close to the RSVP date, August 12th, and I was visiting Taslim when she said in a calm voice. "I have a thought dad, why don't YOU go to Rebecca's wedding?" In an effort to sound supportive I said sure. I will go.
There was no going back. Not that I wanted to either. There were many reasons, besides the wedding, that I should go. To North Bay. To the most pristine wilderness of Northern Ontario. In the middle of September, the most beautiful time of the year to be in that area. I shall let you know how valid that statement is. I am only quoting the very nice lady at the other end of the phone who is the owner of some cottages 'at the south end of Nippissing Lake' in a very secluded cove. 22 minutes to North Bay. Sounds fabulous. Clean log cabin by the lake with oodles of critters around. Wildly peaceful. I decided to go 2 days ahead of the wedding and stay 3 more days after. One cannot travel from Delta, BC to a remote cove in a lake in Northern Ontario too frequently. I was going to go there and get lazy and meditate.
Did I say meditate? Fat chance. My cousin had arrived in Toronto from Kenya a couple months earlier and had been calling me every other day to go visit him there. This guy has the loosest pair of lips on this earth. He has wit combined with energy that can sometimes make one reach for a muzzle or ear protectors. That is the other reason I want to go. To Toronto first. With the coldest people in Canada. Says Coors. But this guy is hot, just ask his bride of 2 years. Both married a second time.
It would, of course, be best for him to travel to Vancouver and meet the rest of his family in Canada. That would not work he told me. Doctor's orders. Nervous bum problem. Very painful, he says, and sometimes quite bloody. I will stop there as I am getting into a very sensitive area!
The most important reason, and a pretty close second to the wedding, is that I have been unkindly pushed into an arena that I am not quite familiar with. Its been close to six months. I have to redefine my needs, my earthly journey, my friends, my relations, my actions, my schedules and a whole lot more. I have to find myself all over again. What do I want from my life going forward? What are my interests? Do I have any hobbies? It can be overwhelming but I am lucky to have five very important people in my life today. My son-in-law, Nadir, my grand-daughter, Inaya, my daughter Taslim and my son, Hasan. Of course there is Jez (the Bez), my son's partner. Missing in the picture is my wife, Nasim, who bid farewell and crossed over to the other side on March 7 of this year. Missing in the picture but not from our lives. Guiding us, as she always did, now from a different plane.
My name is Abdul and I thank you all for listening. My next post will include some changes I have made and some I have seen since my wife's passing on. Mostly good stuff. The pain though can have the better of you at times. Things change. That is His plan and we have to accept it. Be careful what you think though as it can get you moving in a direction you never guessed. Hopefully it is the right direction.
Bye for now.
This is my first blog and I am trying, through different channels, to find some way of 'getting back on track'. As you read on you will understand why. I hope that I will not dissappoint. So here goes.............
The other day I received an invite to my daughter's friend's wedding. Of course she got the invite too. The card a simple form with very simple words. Rebecca marrying Steve, time, date and place. Sounds simple. The moment I received this card in the mail my world began to change some. Now one might say nothing remains the same so what is the big deal about change. For a start, the card was enclosed in like a hand-made cover in a vibrant chilli red. Very personal and oh so very touching to the heart. I receive about two or three invitation cards in a year from birthdays to weddings. Which is not a lot. I guess I need to work on being more popular! I felt really good, though, that Rebecca had thought about me.
I have known Rebecca for many years. She is my daugther, Taslim's best friend, class-mate and neighbour since way back in 2002/2003. Or maybe it was 2001/2002. It was a while ago. They had rented suites in homes next to each other. I first met her, and Steve, when she graduated with my daughter at the Georgian College in Orillia which is quite a ways north of Toronto, Canada. The moment I saw her I knew that this person is a keeper. Always smiling with a vibrant personality. I saw her and Steve next when they travelled from Ontario to be with my daughter for her wedding in July 2003. A most welcome guest, and that infectious smile, a much admired feature during all the pre and post wedding gatherings.
Then it was time for her to head home to Ontario and more school. Couple of weeks after her wedding Taslim and her newly-acquired hubby, Nadir, moved to Niagara Falls, Ontario for her two years at the State University of New York in Buffalo, NY. So they were close in a geographical sense. And they were very close as friends.
Taslim was probably more excited than I was to receive this invitation for the wedding of her true best friend. Then she had just found out that she is expecting her second child. Pregnancy and travel is not a good match, sometimes, I am told. In this case I knew that she would not travel. It was close to the RSVP date, August 12th, and I was visiting Taslim when she said in a calm voice. "I have a thought dad, why don't YOU go to Rebecca's wedding?" In an effort to sound supportive I said sure. I will go.
There was no going back. Not that I wanted to either. There were many reasons, besides the wedding, that I should go. To North Bay. To the most pristine wilderness of Northern Ontario. In the middle of September, the most beautiful time of the year to be in that area. I shall let you know how valid that statement is. I am only quoting the very nice lady at the other end of the phone who is the owner of some cottages 'at the south end of Nippissing Lake' in a very secluded cove. 22 minutes to North Bay. Sounds fabulous. Clean log cabin by the lake with oodles of critters around. Wildly peaceful. I decided to go 2 days ahead of the wedding and stay 3 more days after. One cannot travel from Delta, BC to a remote cove in a lake in Northern Ontario too frequently. I was going to go there and get lazy and meditate.
Did I say meditate? Fat chance. My cousin had arrived in Toronto from Kenya a couple months earlier and had been calling me every other day to go visit him there. This guy has the loosest pair of lips on this earth. He has wit combined with energy that can sometimes make one reach for a muzzle or ear protectors. That is the other reason I want to go. To Toronto first. With the coldest people in Canada. Says Coors. But this guy is hot, just ask his bride of 2 years. Both married a second time.
It would, of course, be best for him to travel to Vancouver and meet the rest of his family in Canada. That would not work he told me. Doctor's orders. Nervous bum problem. Very painful, he says, and sometimes quite bloody. I will stop there as I am getting into a very sensitive area!
The most important reason, and a pretty close second to the wedding, is that I have been unkindly pushed into an arena that I am not quite familiar with. Its been close to six months. I have to redefine my needs, my earthly journey, my friends, my relations, my actions, my schedules and a whole lot more. I have to find myself all over again. What do I want from my life going forward? What are my interests? Do I have any hobbies? It can be overwhelming but I am lucky to have five very important people in my life today. My son-in-law, Nadir, my grand-daughter, Inaya, my daughter Taslim and my son, Hasan. Of course there is Jez (the Bez), my son's partner. Missing in the picture is my wife, Nasim, who bid farewell and crossed over to the other side on March 7 of this year. Missing in the picture but not from our lives. Guiding us, as she always did, now from a different plane.
My name is Abdul and I thank you all for listening. My next post will include some changes I have made and some I have seen since my wife's passing on. Mostly good stuff. The pain though can have the better of you at times. Things change. That is His plan and we have to accept it. Be careful what you think though as it can get you moving in a direction you never guessed. Hopefully it is the right direction.
Bye for now.
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